Tuesday, November 23, 2010
Dammit la. Feel so useless that I can't help a friend. I thought I had problems, his are worse. I wanna help him, but I don't know how. And also at the same time I keep getting stupid feelings.
This sucks ttm......the optimism I had about poly has totally vanished..
Everytime I see her talking to another guy, I still feel jealous. Why do I even feel like this? I can't totally not care. But then I still can't talk to her normally. Ironic. The further I am from her, the easier it is to talk.
And yet, till now I'm still unsure about my feelings. Its like neither here nor there.
I want to experience love. But I know I'm still so naive and all.
Sighhh. My way thinking may still be immature.
I still get hints of envy. Horrible.
And sometimes I really find myself craving for attention. Like an attention seeker.
Like always wanting to be in the spotlight, or to put it simply, the popular guy.
I want to get noticed.
But...oh well....I guess its too much to ask anyway....
Friday, November 19, 2010
I feel so irritaited and angry now. I don't know why. I was just fine a few hours ago. Dammit. Ah fuck this man.
Sunday, November 14, 2010
Somehow the rain changed my mood....dammit....
Friday, November 12, 2010
I think I should give up. I think I will give up. And I also think its hard to give up. Fuck. I don't even know why its so hard. We're not even close. Sigh. This is horrible. This is going nowhere at all. Its like we're not fated. Gotta supress my emotions most of the time. Fuck this. I wish there was a silver lining. Perhaps a glimmer of hope......or a solution to all these emotions.
Thursday, November 4, 2010
Sian. I hate the fact that my chinese sucks ttm. Its fucking horrible. I really wonder what's the reason god put me in a clique which mostly speaks chinese. Perhaps its to improve my chinese? Well its not really working yet. I wish I could speak chinese like a normal chinese person would.
Sighhhhhhh.....
Jealousy is a horrible feeling. Arghhhhh!
A good mood only lasts a few hours, a bad mood lasts the rest of the day :/
Tuesday, November 2, 2010
2nd week of school and I'm already so tired. Dammit. Stupid thoughts coming back to my head. My cds classes weren't what I expected. I'm like one of the youngest there :/ Dammit la I hate being alone in a class.
And now I'm also thinking. I don't even know if my goal is worth it, or even achievable. Fuck this. So many barriers all around. I can't even bond with my friends properly 'cause my Chinese sucks ttm.
Why can't everything just play out from my mind, like exactly how I imagine it to be.
I've got nothing to look forward to again. Its hard to carry on a daily routine without anything to look forward to, for me.
I can't even help a friend. All I can do is just listen, as much as I want to help , I can't.
I also don't even have the guts to do anything outside of my comfort zone. Even if it would've benefit ted me alot.
Talking with friends is so much easier. Sigh. Its like I'm the only person who can't talk properly to her.
I think I'm being fucking unappreciative now. I hate that feeling. Fuck. I also can't even feel good about my image and all. I'm so fucking unappreciative and ungrateful now. Its as if I'm a perfectionist.
The life I wanted in poly , was so different. Sigh.
I want it, yet I cant bear to leave my current lifestyle.
Am I asking for too much? Are my expectations too high? Why am I still not happy?
