Tuesday, June 28, 2011
So now in the group there are 2 couples..
So that leaves me alone...
feels so...weird..
and now that thye have someone else, they are starting to forget me...
the one who calls me his 'bestfriend' now will always pang seh to go out.
I mean thats fine, but at least hang out abit with your friends?
And now..me and my other close friend seem to be slowly drifting apart..
I guess I didn't really like her, I was just afraid of losing her as a friend.
well I really hope im thinking too much and that im wrong...but so far all my bad feelings have come true...
fucked up la...
I cant even tell them how I feel...
or more like I dont want to...
I feel like im just gonna burden them if I say all this...
I think they're tired of hearing me emo already...
They just don't show it..
I guess its natural..
Sometimes I just feel so alone...
There's no happiness, nothing to look forward to...
the only people who give me happiness is my friends and family.
but now there's the issue with my friends...so the happiness is gone.
im just so damn fucking tired now...
so many things on my mind..
Wednesday, June 22, 2011
Today had BBQ.
Well it went well I guess?
Just that there were awkward silences.
Well I'm glad everyone else had fun...
I guess its only me who found it damn sian...
If you ask me, I rather stay at home and sleep...
Sigh...
I wish I had company tonight...
Just want someone to talk to...
Oh well...
I REALLY REALLY HATE IT WHEN IM RIGHT SOMETIMES...
Wednesday, June 15, 2011
I get jealous whenever you tweet each other about that kinda stuff...
I get jealous whenever I see you guys together...
Why is that?
I thought I had told myself I would never date you or anything because I fear the consequences of a break up....
Recently you have been talking less to me and more to him.
I'm wondering, why the sudden change?
I don't even know why I'm feeling all of this...
Really heart ache...
I think I might really have fallen for you..
I can rant on twitter and you would ask me what's wrong.
But I can never tell you...all I can do is put on a fake smile and say its nothing....or say the problem is about something else...
I'm just so stupid...
I just have to fall for every girl who already likes someone else...
Again, I feel as if I'm a pauper against a prince...
Now it seems like everyone has someone, except me...
So what do I do? walk slowly behind..alone while everyone else walks ahead happily with their partner...
Sometimes I wonder if I will even get a girlfriend, or die alone when I'm old..
As I walk on the streets I see couples everywhere. Can't help but sigh.
I know I shouldn't find a relationship, instead let it come to me...but I just can't help it.
arghhhhh............fuckkkkkkkkk laaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa.
Sunday, May 29, 2011
Regrets, jealousy, dissatisfaction with life, mood swings....I wish it would all go away..
How do I find true happiness?
I may have all the material possessions I need but none of them bring me true happiness.
All they do is entertain me...
I regret missing all the opportunities given to me in the past.
I regret not studying hard for my o's
I regret not bonding with my secondary school classmates
I regret being shy
and sometimes, I even regret choosing my course..
I miss the old days. Everything was so much simpler in secondary school.
I didn't have so much problems. Actually I didn't even have problems at all.
Even though everyday was the same routine, I was somewhat content.
But however I was hoping poly would be better.
Like maybe change my life from being a shy guy with not many friends, to someone who knows everyone and has friends here and there.
I even hoped to experience a relationship.
Well I was fucking wrong....
Monday, April 25, 2011
Do you ever feel like breaking down?
Do you ever feel out of place?
Like somehow you just don't belong
And no one understands you
Do you ever wanna runaway?
Do you lock yourself in your room?
With the radio on turned up so loud
That no one hears you screaming
No you don't know what it's like
When nothing feels all right
You don't know what it's like
To be like me
To be hurt
To feel lost
To be left out in the dark
To be kicked when you're down
To feel like you've been pushed around
To be on the edge of breaking down
And no one's there to save you
No you don't know what it's like
Welcome to my life
Do you wanna be somebody else?
Are you sick of feeling so left out?
Are you desperate to find something more?
Before your life is over
Are you stuck inside a world you hate?
Are you sick of everyone around?
With their big fake smiles and stupid lies
While deep inside you're bleeding
No you don't know what it's like
When nothing feels all right
You don't know what it's like
To be like me
To be hurt
To feel lost
To be left out in the dark
To be kicked when you're down
To feel like you've been pushed around
To be on the edge of breaking down
And no one's there to save you
No you don't know what it's like
Welcome to my life
No one ever lied straight to your face
No one ever stabbed you in the back
You might think I'm happy but I'm not gonna be okay
Everybody always gave you what you wanted
Never had to work it was always there
You don't know what it's like, what it's like
To be hurt
To feel lost
To be left out in the dark
To be kicked when you're down
To feel like you've been pushed around
To be on the edge of breaking down
And no one's there to save you
No you don't know what it's like (what it's like)
To be hurt
To feel lost
To be left out in the dark
To be kicked when you're down
To feel like you've been pushed around
To be on the edge of breaking down
And no one's there to save you
No you don't know what it's like
Welcome to my life
Welcome to my life
Welcome to my life
Friday, April 22, 2011
I feel so jealous, angry, frustrated.
I feel like i'm being replaced.
Suddenly during the holidays you guys have become much closer.
And you guys have much more fun with them than with me cos I can't do lots of things...
So now what?
Replace me?
Forget all the time we spent together back in secondary school?
Seriously...I would like to feel a little more fucking appreciated.
I don't even know why I still care.
Life sucks..
everything always seems okay but there's always a part of me that hurts..
I just wish I had another life sometimes...like a different lifestyle
I wanna be sociable but i'm always shy...
thus my dream....my desire...would never come true..
I really really envy people who have everything I want..
What I want cannot be bought with money..
so whats the point of having so many things if you're still not happy?
Every now and then whenever I see couples, my heart just sinks...
thinking about how I never stood a chance with her..
yes now I think i'm falling for her...AGAIN
my heart is really playing games with me.
why does everything be so hard?
why do I have so much conflict within me?
why do I feel so fucked up all the time?
I can never stay happy for more than a day..
because whenever i'm alone I start thinking... a lot
fuck this, fuck everything..
I don't wanna fucking care anymore
Saturday, March 26, 2011
Do you know how I really feel? You don't right?
You guys will never understand at all.
You don't know the feeling of getting left out..
you don't know the feeling of getting ignored..
you don't know the feeling of feeling like a stranger in your own damn clique...
Sometimes I wonder why the hell I cared so much back then.
I know you shouldnt expect anything in return for doing favours and all but I think I deserve to be treated better than this.
Ever since what, sec 3?
Everytime someone you guys are close to comes along, I suddenly don't fucking exist.
Then everytime I wanna plan outing, but noooooo a certain SOMEONE HAS TO OBJECT
Please la you wanna object then give some bloody ideas okay? I'm always the one planning. Since when have you organized an outing?
And you guys never ever put yourselves in my shoes. Never think how I would feel.
Just don't bother...
And the best part is, you guys don't even realise anything.
I think only 1 of you is still okay.
The rest, I've been putting up with all this crap for so damn long.
Suffer in silence cos I know you guys would always argue that your right and i'm wrong.
And i'm not good at arguing...
I hope you open your eyes
Monday, February 21, 2011
So after i'm over one. I get another one? Is this another crush? Is history gonna repeat itself?
Arghhhh what the hell...
What is my heart trying to tell me?
Am I falling for her? o.o
Monday, January 24, 2011
I feel jealous when others flirt with you.
I crave your attention.
But I don't wanna be an annoying attention seeker like some other people.
Do I really have a chance?
Saturday, January 22, 2011
I've been thinking about you the whole day.
But I don't know what to do.
Do you like someone else?
Should I even bother trying to ask you out?
If only things were so simple..
